A Cluff: Addicted to Vaseline at Birth?

This just in:

Recent studies are showing that the product Vaseline (100% Pure Petroleum Jelly) is addictive to not only the one who has sinfully discovered the relief only it can bring- the pure satisfaction of the protection and coverage it provides to even the driest of skin (particularly rashes and chapped lips)- but that it is also addictive to the posterity of the abuser. It is passed on!

While Vaseline may glide on your lips like your favorite pair of jeans glide onto your butt (without flattening it out like all the others), are the addictive properties of this product really worth the orgasmic relief from lips like these?

In her interview, 45 year loyal user of Vaseline, Diana Cluff, had no idea that her long-term affair with the petroleum jelly would effect her posterity. She had no idea that when she started slathering the stuff on her face at the age of 20 that it would create a life-long dependancy for not only her, but for her children and grandchildren as well.

"Its anti-aging properties have kept me young!" she insists, "I'm almost 70 and I get whistled at every day at Goodwill!" Then as a side-note she adds, "Well not 70, I'm only 65, but people tell me I look 40! They ask me why I have almost NO wrinkles at all, and I just tell them it's the Vaseline! I started with putting it under my eyes, then just figured why not the whole face?! And they compliment me about my outfits and ask me where I got such stylish clothes and I just say I picked them up at the Goodwill or Salvation Army! I get the whistles there too by the way... at Salvation Army, that is. And..."

(We were on a time crunch, so thats all we got in).

Her granddaughter, Kaylynn Cluff Muntifering, shakes her head in disbelief and anger as she listens to the recent discoveries of Vaseline properties along with her grandmother's story. Then she begins her confession:

"It was last week, maybe Friday night when I noticed some mild dryness on my lips. Nothing to worry about, just a bit of chap stick and its gone... but not this time. I put chap stick on before I went to bed, looking forward to waking up to smooth lips, but was sorely disappointed. When I woke up I had bumps all over my lips! They were itchy and chapped, and no matter how much chap stick I applied they just seemed to stay the same, if not get worse! My husband didn't even want to kiss me, they were so bad! I called my mother desperate for some advice to get rid of these chapped monsters, and after suggesting everything from chap stick to a home-made remedy from her father, she suggested Vaseline as sort of an afterthought.

"Now, when I hear the word "Vaseline" I always think of Grandma and her shimmery glow, and how I always get a sticky spot on the side of my face every time I give her a hug. Vaseline works on your lips? Well, anything to get rid of these flaps of rawhide I'm talking through! So I went to Wal-Mart the first chance I had and picked up a 13 ounce tub of petroleum jelly. When the time came for application, I dipped my finger in the tub and felt the slimy goodness. had only a moment of hesitation before succumbing to the promising moisture. As soon as the lather touched my lips, all my dreams came true. It was smooth. Gliding. Soaking in. Relieving! At last! I will be HEALED! And then I was hooked. All throughout that day I was reapplying over and over; as soon as I felt the slip fading, I would slather it on once again, thickening the layer of jelly on my lips. Why is the silky sludge so consuming? Its musty smell? Perhaps the beautifully slippery texture? I didn't know. And I didn't care. It was working, and it felt so wonderful.

"Now my lips are almost completely revived. Plumped up and moisturized, they feel better than ever; but the Vaseline remains. I'm still putting it on throughout the day to receive its glossy goodness. And speaking of glossy, it not only keeps my lips soft and revitalized, but it makes a great lip gloss, giving a perfect "nude lip" look. I think I just might use it forever.

"Now that I know that it does in fact have addictive properties, I can stop blaming myself for my guilty obsession. I have an excuse- 'it runs in the family'. And although I have not yet progressed to the point of slathering it all ever my face, I can feel it tapping me on the shoulder. It's coming. But I'm a Cluff, so it's ok... (It runs in the family). And if you're a Cluff, don't try to fight it. It's in your blood."

Puppy Love

Kevin's parents currently own a Great Dane named Maddy (Madison), and have a long history of owning Great Danes, labradors, pointers, and other large dogs. Because of this, every time Kevin and I would talk about getting a dog he was set on having a bigger dog. He had never owned a smaller dog, and he wasn't very fond of my parent's miniature pincher, Arrow (he thought she resembled a rat more than a dog... as I'm sure a lot of people do). Well, being where we are now in a tiny "make-shift" apartment with no fenced yard right next to a busy highway, getting a big dog that would need to be outside a lot was definitely a no-go, so I convinced Kevin to let me get a small dog ("As long as it's not a chihuahua" he said... and look what happened! haha).

However, now that we have our little Sadie, you would never believe that she isn't EXACTLY the dog that Kevin always wanted! He loves her almost more than I do! He's usually the one to get mad at her and get her in trouble, but her time-outs never last more than a few seconds, because he starts feeling guilty and loves on her even more! He lets her lick all over his face and jump all over him tongue flapping in excitement (something I won't even do)! It's pretty cute really, but sometimes it gets to the point where I feel like I should almost be getting a little jealous! He hugs and loves her and talks in his little high pitched puppy voice, and if I try to ask him a question or start a conversation during one of their little frenzies, he is completely absorbed in the dog and doesn't even hear me! (It's become a bit of a joke between us now). :)

So, my conclusion from all of this is that as much as men (or people in general) say they don't like small dogs, as soon as you get them one they'll fall in love. =] You can't help it!

"Hobo"-woman.

You would think that being a good, supportive wife is the right thing to do, right? Well turns out it comes at a price.

Kevin recently got a second job (due to the slow winter season at the dunes) at Big 5 Sporting Goods in North Bend (about 25-30 minutes away from where we live). He works a couple nights a week over there on the late shift ending around 10pm. Well one of the days that he was working, we decided to make a day shopping trip to town too. We didn't want to drive there and back twice, (once for the shopping trip and once for him to go to work), so I just decided that I would wait for him while he was at work.

Who ever knew that filling 5 hours with shopping could be so difficult. (Especially for ME!)

I roamed the mall hallways but soon had to leave because they were closing, checked out the dollar tree (I guess I take after grandma a little more than I thought), and even got Taco Bell--> (Boredom, for some reason, seems to result in a "why-did-I-eat-that-much, I-wasn't-even-hungry-to-begin-with" full stomach) *and with Taco Bell, -two cheesy double beef burritos-, that's not the best thing to do.

Eventually I found my way back to the car, and found that barely an hour had passes. Oh dear. What to do. Luckily we had brought little Sadie (at least I had some company), and I had picked her up a new toy at the dollar tree. So we played a bit, and I fed her some of her new -also dollar tree- treats (I bought them because they were good for her skin and coat. I fed her quite a few in the car, then later read the back of the package and found that I'm only supposed to feed "1 treat per 10 pounds of weight per day". *Sadie is barely 5 pounds*)

Puppy play died down after a few minutes... and as our energy waned, so did the temperature. It had been dark since 5 o'clock, so now at 7 it was pretty chilly. I put on an extra sweatshirt, laid Kevin's spare sweatshirt over my lap, along with the new sweater i had just bought. Sadie was curled on my legs trying to keep warm herself, and with both of us completely bundled up I settled in playing games on the iphone.

A knock on the car window scared my practically to death, then there was a blinding blue-white light in my face. What was a police man doing at my car? Were the lights on or something and he was being nice letting me know? I was about to find out that any of my assumptions were far off.

I would have rolled down the window, but I was in the Muntifering "running-on-a-prayer" Geo Metro, and the driver's side window rolls down, but not back up. So I had to open my door to speak to the man.

"You can't roll down your window?" he asked.

Police men always make me a bit nervous, so being freezing and a bit frazzled all I could reply was, "It gets stuck." (Brilliant, Kaylynn.)

Then he asked something I never expected anyone to ask me (not including my dad jokingly referring to my always-messy high school car). "So are you living in your car or something?"

WHAT?! I quickly reassessed my situation in my head. I hadn't showered that day, my hair was slicked back into a hideous messy bun because we left in a hurry, I was bundled in multiple sweatshirts and had even more jackets on top of my legs for warmth, I had a dog with all of her necessities in the front seat next to me, and I imagine I was looking a bit green from all the cheesy goodness in those (gag) burritos.

Great.

"No! I'm waiting for my husband to get off work!"

"Oh. Well I just saw you hunched over and thought you were maybe taking a nap or something."

I look like a hobo. end of story.

Is this what living in a place with limited human contact has done to me?

When are we moving again?

Timeline... so far...

Since there's no real order to the way things are posted on our blog so far, I figured I'd lay everything out in order for everyone real quick, starting when I went to college.

January 2009-

I started my first (and only so far) semester at BYU. I took 5 classes. (pretty easy ones... i was a bit of a slacker- Cheyenne can attest). I took required classes like Book of Mormon and English, then I took a Nutrition class, Human Development, and Student Development. I had a fun time.

February 2009-

Kevin came home from his mission to Seoul West, South Korea and came to visit me out in Provo. (Thats when we reestablished our relationship). =]

April 2009-

Kevin returned to Provo to "retrieve" me and bring me back home to Ashland where i stayed the summer with my parents. (though I did a lot of visiting to Coquille where Kevin was living with his parents, and he did a lot of visiting to Ashland also).

May 2009-

During one of Kevin's visits to Ashland, he took me out on a date (on May 11), and drove me to the Medford Temple where he proposed. :) (Obviously I said yes. Well, I sort of just nodded. I couldn't really speak at the moment.) I bought my wedding dress 2 days later. <3

July 2009-

I left home for the last time, and moved in with John's girlfriend Becca in her cute little house in Charleston. Right by the beach. =] While living there, I got a job at a cute little restaurant called The Portside for about a month as a table busser.

August 2009-

A month full of wedding planning! At the end of August I went back to Ashland and stayed with my family for the week before I was married.

September 2009-

On the 4th (Friday) we drove up to Portland and checked into our hotel. Then we had a big family dinner that night, and did some hanging out with everyone before the big day. On Saturday the 5th we were married! We had to be at the temple by 6:30 am to get everything prepared, then the ceremony was at 10 am, then pictures at around 11, then by 1 we were back on the road on our way to Ashland for the reception! It was a 5 hour drive and we were already all exhausted. By the time we got back to Ashland and got BACK into our wedding attire, we were half an hour late to our own reception! But we had a great time, and everything turned out beautifully. That was one crazy day.

October 2009-

We spent Halloween in Ashland with my family. Had a "before" dinner at the Able's (great chili) and an "after" party at the Shumways (fun games!) It was a blast.

November 2009-

November 12 was the day that we bought our little puppy, Sadie! She was 9 weeks at the time, so we counted back and figured that she was born somewhere around September 15 (we rounded to the 15th, because decided that it would be easier to celebrate her birthday from a number easy to remember) haha. She's over 3 months now!

For Thanksgiving we were in Coquille with Kevin's family. Brad and Rashelle were there with their girls too, and we had a really good time. And really good food! :)

December 2009-

So here we are at the end of the year, the beginning of our marriage, and with a brand new blog! =]

Hopefully that filled in all the empty spaces.

More Portland Pictures

<3

Ashland Reception Pics

Pictures by Lauren Bruce.

The Wedding!

Our wedding day was pretty crazy. We got married at 10 am in Portland, then we had a reception that same night in Ashland at 7 pm! So we had to BOOK IT down to Ashland haha. We had hardly any time for pictures at the temple in Portland, but Nial did an AWESOME job and we got everything we needed. We ended up being half an hour late for our own reception, but it was still super fun. Here are some pictures from both the Portland temple and the reception in Ashland.

Engagement- May 11, 2009

Kevin and I got engaged on May 11, 2009. He proposed at the Medford temple around 7 pm. It was really special. Here are some of my favorite engagement pictures of us... there are many more, but these are some of the faves. :)

Our Sadie Girl

This is our precious little Sadie girl. =] We absolutely love having her around! She brings us lots of smiles and laughs. She even brings holiday spirit! (Though I don't know how much she enjoys being dressed up in her little outfits.) =P

First Blog!

FINALLY! I've been hearing a lot from a lot of people that I need to get a blog, so I finally caved. :)

So, It's December and Kevin and I have been married for a little over 3 months. <3>

This last weekend we drove down to Ashland to visit my family, (always a fun trip), and when we got back, we had a bit of a surprise waiting for us. Our pipes were FROZEN! So we had NO running water, and on top of that it was only a whopping 35 degrees INSIDE our house!! (This was because our downstairs heater is broken and we haven't replaced it yet).

Luckily we had a few water bottles filled up from a while ago when we had to shut off our water to install the kitchen sink, so we had a little to cook with.

So that was just one of the many little adventures we've had during our first few months of marriage. :)